My Love for Maroon or White Apron dress- Purity of life

My Love for Maroon or White Apron dress- Purity of life

Remembering the times when immature mind admires the maroon dress was only a lifelong haunt that give me a chilly breath today.  This dreaming was only an innocent dream that I feel cherishing it to my death. Yet another big turn of life took me to nowhere than to confused life as of now.

Many ambitions came into my knowing after schooling despite being the cow herder for many years in the village.

Till the age, I don’t remember becoming someone else in life like a great people did , but after my class 12 graduation only I have liked the job of becoming a neurosurgeon to wear the white apron and understand the functioning of the brain. But it didn’t happen rather it was too late for my goals setting in life.

Man  in red to question the mission of life(Thinley Dorji)

I was reflecting on the conduct of my everyday living and thinking. To my age and knowledge of this life, I get only two answers to define myself.  I am Nima who is living without any goals for marriage, wealth and power but for learning quest for age.

Another definition of my life is the way I have lived. Till the age of 20th, I have wished to grow fast and be the man and take up the hardship of life but it didn’t happen. I didn’t grow well with my age. I have learnt to be adult when I was small simply I adorned the role of adults.

I would have become Dorji Lopen by this age if I was taken by the Dzongkhag lama Neten. Once I was asked to become monk but my inner conscience and the merit didn’t meet the criteria of becoming it. I would have taken all my sentient beings into my heart and head so that my livings embody the love and compassion.

 Sudden twisting and turning of life-I didn’t opt for teacher as my career rather I became accidentally, as I supposed. I have learnt to teach my students based on their learning and I am happy for meeting the different faces and minds today. I am surviving because of my students; I am discovering the hardship of teaching yet so many learning and transformation that are shaping my every day conduct and attitude of my life.

 Becoming surgeon was my dream for a while for the love of people. I didn’t want to become anyone rather than chasing the dream of wearing maroon dress. I would be operating my mind with Buddha’s wisdom sword that would give me the godly satisfaction.

My love for maroon dress didn’t die after passing of many years of course my innocent mind is getting lost with the time. I have learnt the art of survival in an adult age where people practice corruptions, nepotism and bureaucratic tyranny in the offices. However, I am not into it; I try to guide my living with compassion into action and mindfulness into integration to weigh my morale stand for my life. I don’t have to impress anyone in life not my teachers, parents and friends but to myself without involving to above practices.

The reason for the love of maroon dress was neither on reputation nor for earning a respect or to stay above man. My core reason is to understand the truth of life and suffering as Buddha did. Another reason is to understand my own mind. I really like the concept of this ‘universe is in mind’.

By wearing the maroon, I want to exercise my living on the concept like Guru Devotion, compassion, and nature of mind but I feel sorry for myself for not wearing even at this age. Now, like an old dog I will sit in corner thinking and admiring the dress, because, I didn’t have enough merit to wear it than admiring it.

Often I am questioning to myself, do I really need to wear it if I inherit the minds of Buddha. I concluded that wearing and not wearing of it doesn’t make sense to the mind if the essence is known to my ordinary mind.  But I am promising that I shall respect and revere those who are wearing it . However, I take the words of great masters that simply wearing  maroon and following the masters doesn’t make you enlighten. All the heart teaching of the master should be experienced by follower himself, rather now I should endure for it.

Finally, my love for maroon dress will help me towards the spiritual  seeking of life. 

Note; Written for literary explorations from lock and key diary.